Tall, Gentle, Slow

tall, gentle, slow

joyce and i jokingly referred to our easter sunday outing
as a trip to a pagan service
let's see, pagan, what does that mean?
i guess it means anything other than the religion
with which any of us were raised.

in my case, that would certainly not have us starting out
by facing the four directions
to drumbeat and word,
then taking a drum beat silent quiet journey,
during which we were to internally go to our teacher
and ask a question,
then sharing with each other our internal wanderings.

it certainly wouldn't have included planting a tree
with each of us having a role of preparing,
digging, planting, watering,
or witnessing.

it was a beautiful day
subtle in many ways
and it brought a shift in me.

it had actually already been coming for several days
i had sent out a facebook invite that very morning
to every person i had previously assumed
might be estranged from me
the response has been beautiful.

i won't tell you the whole story of that pagan day
i will just tell you the conclusions

i don't have a teacher anymore.
the one i had doesn't want to be a teacher anymore
and i totally get that.
i don't either.

i left teaching in the church
after twenty-five years
and now i have retired from public education and counseling
after twenty-two years.

the truth of the matter
is that i already know what i need to know
does that mean i always make good choices?
no.
health care is the best example
i know exactly what i need to do
it's not knowledge i need
it's backbone.

i came away from that drum beat journey with three resolves
to walk tall
to walk gently
and to walk slow.

that is what i am going to practice.
love you
frank.

It's been a strange three or four days . . .

It's been a strange three or four days,

and yet, not bad.

The organizing thing for me has kicked into high gear,

from hanging files and category slots,

to getting back onto an electronic calendar,

something I haven't attempted in many years.

For the past three days I have been living my life

the way I want to be.

I have been organized, getting good rest,

eating well, even exercising,

and getting things done.

Then this afternoon

 I allowed myself to get stressed.

It was not fun.

And it's ok.

I have seen the way it can work,

and when it works well,

 when it works efficiently,

then everything else

has a chance to fall into place.

. 

 Priorities can emerge

from thought and reflection.

 

 Focus can pave the way

to producing beautiful pieces of art.

 

 Time can allow it all

to actually have a chance of taking place. 

 

The difference, I believe, is intention.

 

 Do I live my life openly and spontaneously,

simply waking each day

 and letting come what may?

  Or do I plan it, and organize it,

 with intention?

  That is an important question.

  I don't have it fully answered.

  But I am pretty damn sure that it takes planning

 to avoid walking blindly

into things we should have seen coming.

 

 Some spurious thoughts to my friends

on this eve of New Year's Eve.

I love you,

Frank.